I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
