puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize