Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
