My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
