I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
