Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am midnight drunk by noon
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize