I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
