we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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