I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
