May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
