Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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