i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
