a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
