I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
