I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
