so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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