He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Randomize
