I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
