Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
