You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
