you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize