someone get that fucking seahorse.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Boobs speak an international language.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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