I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
