If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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