where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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