So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
