i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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