It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
