those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she peed on how many people?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
