Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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