Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
