Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
