Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
