If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
