He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He passed out mid-signature
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
