Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
