worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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