i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
