I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Randomize
