go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My underwear smells like fireworks.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
