I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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