Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
