Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
