we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
