I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Still dying that you shit outside
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
