Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
