oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize