I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
