I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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