I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
