And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
