That's intense
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize