She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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