Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
