He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
