Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
