whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
