I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
