is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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