if you like me you must not know who I am
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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