my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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