dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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