Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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