Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
