I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
