My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
do herpes really smell.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
