Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
