my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
