so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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