I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
