When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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