i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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