Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
