your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize