Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
