Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
