I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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