areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
