Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
