I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
