In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize