mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
