Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
