you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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