I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize