party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
