sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
