you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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