Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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