her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
