I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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