Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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