I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
