Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
