i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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