what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
