Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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