This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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