my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize