Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
