I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
