You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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