There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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