Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
