this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
