Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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