do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
As shirtless as possible
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
