They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
