My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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