If that was your dad, he is hot
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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